I want to be a Mary, but too often Martha wins the wrestling match. When I have the choice of intentionally sitting with God or doing stuff, I tend to default to busyness. If I’m honest with myself, one of the big reasons why is that when I stop and sit at the feet of Jesus, all the difficult circumstances in my life roar up from the murky depths, explode onto the surface, and start bobbing there, screaming at me to fix them. It was better while they were hidden in the abyss because I can’t fix them. They are too big, too overwhelming. So to avoid this helpless feeling, I avoid being still and sitting with God. Ugh!

So I need to remind myself why I pray.

The first and craziest reason to pray is exactly because I have unfixable problems in my life. I always forget that. But when I remember, it’s such a relief. Many times, I have struggled for days trying to figure out how to resolve a dogging issue, how to respond to someone, how to change something that needs changing, but I have no idea how. I come up with every solution a human being can conceive of, but none of them gives me any satisfaction in my heart. Then I remember to pray! And the first thing I feel is shame. Wow. How could I forget that God has answers I can’t conceive of? How could I put God last instead of first? How many decades of following Christ does it take for me to get this right? Shame, shame.

So after I’ve chastised myself, I pray. And I have to say that I’ve always received an answer that I didn’t conceive of. Sometimes it was a real fix to the problem — a way to respond, a solution to a dilemma. Sometimes it was God’s peace — the gift of a calm and comforting bubble to float in through the circumstances that won’t go away. And at other times, it was the fuel of grace to keep on keepin’ on.

When I reflect, I realize that another reason I pray is because God changes me into the image of His Son as I pray. I can start out angry, hurt, or betrayed, first asking God to “bless ’em with a brick.” But as I yield to God and pray about the situation and the person, I begin to have new and multi-dimensional insight into the person and the circumstance. Gradually, I start to see it all from God’s perspective instead of my own, and I find compassion and love growing in my heart. By the end my prayer has changed from a selfish one to one of love because God has made me more Christlike as I’ve prayed.

And the other reason I pray, when I remember, is because I really want to put God first. “Pray first.” That’s what I want my new motto to be. Why? Because praying invites God into every situation. Then I won’t have limited human results, but instead, infinite God-sized results. I want every circumstance, everything I do, and every errand I run submitted to God so I can intersect with the supernatural in my everyday life. When I pray, I see that happen.

And  when I remember to invite God into a situation, it reminds me to consciously be with Him. He is always with me, living in me, but can I say that I’m not always with Him? That’s how it feels anyway. But asking God to enter and take over the reins reminds me to enjoy His presence, to trust Him, and to rest in Him through it all.

So when I remember, that’s why I pray. Now, it’s time to quit talking to you and sit with my Redeemer.